A Brilliant Flash
by Proud to be an X-Nerd
Summary: Sometimes, when the pain of losing those you love the most becomes too much to bear, comfort comes to you in the strangest of forms. Brilliant flashes of light can be a welcome glow amid the darkness. Kitty One-Shot


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Okay. I want to make something clear first off. I haven't read a whole lot of the comics, so I'm not altogether sure of the way I have Illyanna portrayed. But I do know how I feel about my dear friends, so I based the relationship on how I see myself and those around me acting. I hope, for all those who have read the comics with Illyanna in depth, that I stayed close to the 'real thing'.

Thanks for reading this story, and I hope you enjoy it.

Now… anything I'm missing? Oh yes, I don't own anything but the writing style, and if you sue me you still can't have that.

Oh! I also wanted to thank webaholic for her help with this story, and her title idea. I don't know what I'd do without ya. Everyone? Read her stuff, it's fantastic.

Here we go…

For Beka and Hannah

who would sit out in the rain for me,

and I for them

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She wasn't really cold; at least that's what Kitty kept telling herself. But it was getting harder to lie. The dark clouds that had formerly loomed over the horizon now blackened the sky. The wind was picking up in intensity, and there was a steady decrease in temperature as the thunder rumbled ominously in the background; lightening flickering here and there above. A few pieces of ice had fallen nearby, and though they weren't dangerous, it was a promise of more foul weather to come.

As she sat, huddled there on the ground with her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin on her knees, part of her hoped it would all end right here; on the hillside overlooking the sea, the ocean spreading out before her and the mansion at her back.

Her jeans and thin t-shirt clung to her body, her sneakers soggy masses of cloth and rubber weighing down her feet. Light brown hair hung in clumps around her shoulders, clinging to her face and neck. Water from the rain that had come in a sudden torrent soaked her to the skin. But she welcomed the discomfort, only wrapping her arms a little more tightly around herself, standing her ground, refusing to give in and go inside. Maybe the cold would numb the hurt. Maybe the wind would blow away the despair that settled around her. Maybe the lightening would strike her down and she'd be done feeling this doubt and sorrow.

She had thought herself over the pain, or at least coping well with it. Hadn't it been almost three years since Illyanna had died? And almost a full year since she'd last cried about her? Then why had that one simple thing hit her so very hard? It was just a picture after all. Buried in layers of dust under stacks of boxes in the furthest corner of her closet, where it could do no harm

How could something as innocent as spring cleaning, create such a terrible tide of emotions? How could an unadorned, unframed, folded, wrinkled photo wreck a week-long happy mood?

But there it had been, tucked in the corner of a box filled with old, ruined socks; left there when looking at it became too painful to bear any longer, but the thought of throwing it out unthinkable. A picture of two people: one blonde, the other dark-haired. A pair of blue eyes shining up at her from a past that tortured her, a lost 'sister' she missed dearly.

Two completely happy teenagers, without a single care in the world, sitting with their arms wrapped tightly around one another as they had their picture taken. Their faces were painted from the booth they had just left at the carnival, strange patterns that had meant something at the time, but now were nothing but a blur of color on pale and freckled skin. Kitty had a piece of cotton candy stuck in her hair, and Illyanna's shirt and mouth were stained with mustard. But neither cared one bit; they'd been having too much fun for anything like that to matter.

In that single, all too brief moment, the world hadn't needed saving. There weren't any villains threatening to hurt them, no monsters or demons to fight; no terrible diseases to rip them apart. They were two young girls on the threshold of womanhood, looking forward to spending the rest of their lives as best friends.

Hot tears poured from her eyes, and her shoulders shook with unrestrained sobs as she thought about the day the picture represented.

Illyanna had wanted to go on one last ride of some kind, but Kitty had said no. She'd wanted them to go home so she could finish up a paper that was due the next day. There would be many more carnivals, many more years of fast rides and fun food. At least that's what Kitty had thought when she'd said it. How could she have known that this was their last time? She would never sit beside her best friend on a carnival ride and scream out as it flung them around, not because they were afraid, but simply for the joy of feeling young and free? They would never get their faces painted, or watch the acts under the big-top again. How could she have known?

She'd gotten an A+ on that paper. She wished she'd failed the whole class. How she wished she'd stayed for that last ride and a hundred after it! Maybe she could have clung to that moment of happiness. If only for a few more seconds…

"This is silly!" she told herself as she wiped the tears from her cheeks where they mingled with the rain "Just because you're sad, you're going to let yourself catch pneumonia out here? Is that something Illyanna would want?"

No. Illyanna would never have wanted that. The sweet friend she'd shared secrets with, laughed with, cried with… and part of her had died with, when that little blonde girl had been eaten up from within by a foe Kitty couldn't fight. A fate she would have gladly chosen to take from her friend.

"Oh course you would have" Illyanna's familiar voice wasn't real, only a figment from the back of Kitty's mind, whispering in a cheerful tone. "Dying for someone is easy; then you're free of any responsibility of fighting onward. Any pain of loss you might have to bear. It's the living that's hard. Then you have to deal with it every day. It's the living that is the **real** challenge. But someone has to do it. Someone has to keep going forward for those that can't anymore."

Kitty let out a deep sigh. Yes, living was the real challenge; one that seemed unbearably hard to face some days. Especially the rainy ones, where you found pictures of people you wanted to see again more than anything at that moment. At least on sunny days, you could forget for a little while. You could almost pretend that the person you loved wasn't gone for good, but perhaps away for a while… like her father, Illyanna, even Doug. It was almost too hard to know they wouldn't be there. Her father wouldn't walk her down the aisle when she married, Illyanna wouldn't be her maid of honor. Doug wouldn't be grinning up at her from the crowd with a wave whenever she looked at him.

Kitty put her head in her hands and let the tears flow freely for a few moments, letting her sadness wash out with the rain.

Abruptly, the downpour stopped, even more suddenly than it had begun. Kitty looked up in surprise, wondering if maybe Storm had come to berate her for endangering herself. But her pseudo mother was nowhere in sight.

Then the breeze slowed, becoming a gentle caress instead of a gale. A shaft of light hit her face; a beaming ray of sunshine like a mustard covered smile warmed her to the very core. She looked up, and though the rain surrounded her, she sat in a patch of sunlight, untouched by the droplets.

Feelings overwhelmed her, some her own, but others felt almost like they belonged to someone else. Not quite a part of her, but very close. Love, and for a moment, total calm enclosed her in a bubble of comfort. She closed her eyes and smiled. Suddenly, she didn't feel so totally alone.

And then the warmth faded, the sunlight disappeared, and the rain poured down over her once again. But Kitty's smile did not diminish. With a feeling of certainty she had not felt in a long time, she got to her feet and walked slowly through the downpour towards the mansion. Towards home.

While her father might never walk her down the aisle, Logan would stand in that place of honor for her gladly. Illyanna wouldn't be beside her but Rachel would. And where there wouldn't be Doug grinning in the crowd, Bobby, Hank, and Kurt would be there to help fill the void he'd left. She had lost people she loved, and no one could ever take their places. But others _could_ stand in the gaps, share in the joys, and help through the sorrows. She wasn't alone.

In that moment, she was sure that those she had lost were proud of her; and though it was hard sometimes to go on without them, she knew she would make it. Somehow, Kitty Pryde would keep going forward. She would keep on fighting, loving, laughing, crying, LIVING; for those that couldn't anymore.

And for herself as well.

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(A/N) So, what do y'all think? I started writing it for a post to join an X-Men rpg and it kind of just grew and grew from there. Like I said at the beginning, I haven't read much with Illyanna so I hope I did her character justice. If there is anything I missed or did wrong, I'd love to hear about it. Good or bad, tell me what you thought.

Also, for those of you that have read one of my other two stories. I'm sorry that I haven't worked on them for so long. Some events in my life have caused me to not have the time, or even the spirit to write. I hope to finish both of them and I hope you all will stay with me, and forgive me for how long it's been.

Thanks again for reading this, and if you have a second (which I'm **_sure _**you do since you just read this whole thing)…REVIEW!


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